Foley Media Group has just been challenged by Outrigger3, a fellow social media maven and big picture guy, to make some sense of the riveting debate over whether women’s hormones and their menstrual cycles will sway their votes in our upcoming presidential election.

CNN, at its journalistic best, deemed it important to shape a story about emerging research at a university, which appears to have way too much money for research and which apparently has salacious tendencies. This university, which I will not name because I’m overcome with hormonal randiness, has attempted to study if we women vote differently depending on how “hot” we feel given our estrogen levels.

Oh, please. I thought we got through this stuff 30 years ago when I was the only one in the newsroom who allegedly had the skill to go look at anti-abortion dead fetus festivals, cover trials in which husbands allegedly blew up their wives and govern the Food Section.

I really don’t know why you menfolk let us raise the children, cook your food and plan your social calendars. Our hysteria could have caused us to make rash decisions about whether rat poison goes in the goulash. (Hysteria is a Greek term that refers to the belief that our uteri used to float around and dement us. Look at the Greek mess today. Maybe the hysterical ones could have helped five years ago by refusing all the unneeded dough.) We are apparently so tortured by our hormonal roller-coaster ride each month that our choice for president switches depending on whether we are on the rag.

What else could we be on the fence about? Driving the car into the garage because you don’t put the toilet seat down? Snipping the family jewels in a rage one night because you oppose economic sanctions for Iran? Teaching your children that only guys can be president?

Oops. That’s right. We haven’t had a female president yet like all the other leading economic powers. Check.

I am one of those leading feminist types who taught in the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Women’s Studies Program in the 1970s when we had to call it Contemporary Trends to avoid the firing of our female professors. Didn’t so many of us demonstrate that we could be leaders and overseers of 911 coverage and horrible crime events and sniveling politicians who lied to us in the past 30 years to put to rest the fact that we are time bombs ready to explode into hormonally induced diatribes.

Do researchers look at differences between hormonal levels of blacks and whites, Jews and Christians, Muslims and atheists to predict behavior? I don’t think so but then again, I may not be thinking correctly because of my hormones. It just hasn’t been the same since my cycle synced with my college roommates.

I am a woman of a certain age who was the first of two who were allowed to keep their jobs in liberal newsrooms after they delivered children. I am so old and crusty now, I remember Gloria Steinem as a cocktail waitress. Haven’t we shown you guys that we are not roman candles?

My hormones probably look more like those of men my age. I am fond of telling men that I likely have more testosterone in my body than they do. I have the chin hairs to prove it. They likely have more estrogen in their bodies than they used too.  Men don’t think this is funny. I think this is hilarious given my life story. It all comes around to common ground. My mother never discussed this.

Having enjoyed this new era of my life without cycles and dangerous estrogen piques, I have one thing to say to CNN and to America, waiting to see if we women will vote with our hormones:

GET A GRIP!

If you think estrogen is a problem, let’s look at the ravage of people who can’t control their testosterone fluctuations. If you are concerned that we women will erupt at any moment, be aware that we all know that we on average earn 30 cents less than men. The latest explanation is we opt out to raise the children. Is this a bad thing? Should we be punished financially for this? We keep a lid on our anger about this as we have for generations, no matter where we are in our cycle. We do this for our children’s sake. Women know how to make choices.

I read that the CNN reporter said that she was simply reporting an event, a fact. She didn’t do the university research. Why are we all so upset with her?

I’ve been on that side of the notebook. I support you, my friend. You just took the assignment. But your editor, whom I used to rub shoulders with, should have known better.

Go grab the headlines with something other than my hormonal challenges, CNN editor. Man up. Be courageous. Choose something worth covering. The editors, male and female,  of my generation spent their careers making these tough decisions. Don’t fall for the salacious headline.

BTW, did I tell you the time I was sent to interview the farmer who claimed his dog gave birth to cats? It’s a great story. And a great headline. But it isn’t true.